PRECIOUS ILLUSIONS

I never understood why he was excited to go. Pleasure in pain seems sadistic doesn’t it? He felt it was his duty, his road in life…this war he had to fight. He said Goodbye, we wished him luck. He would be back right? I mean not returning from war…you only see that kind of stuff on movies. Life went on while he was away. Occasionally when I was surfing channels I would see a message regarding the deaths and injuries of soldiers. I would hold my breath and sigh a bitter sweet relief. The months passed by and we had heard nothing, which oddly is good. Then I get a call from my best friend, he has been hit by a bomb. He’s in a coma. His body has been mangled. The thought of simple functions returning if he awakes isn’t possible for months. Numbness. Its surreal because no matter how much you know it could happen or how prepared you are for the possibility it blind sights you.

All i have to say is, i thought the guys in Fort Mac were bad...but they have nothing on Lethbridge.

I had wine with Selby and Allison last night...it was going good and then we decided to go for a walk. We get half way down the block and some guy from a random house waves us in for a beer. There was three of us we could take him if it went bad...so we went for a beer and the guys played poker. It was weird they were really old. So after the beer we say our goodbyes and continue on the walk. This time we get a lot futher. We are about 2 blocks from the house and a guy sees us from a window. Literally jumps in the air and books it for the door "LADIES COME HAVE SOME DRINKS."

Well whatever we were bored and sobering up so we went into this other house that was practically a sausage party. These guys were hilarious..so funny! At this house i met "Jeff Failing Failure" fucking funest guy ever. We got there at like 1 and we didn't leave until like 4:30!

I have come to the conclusion that Lethbridge guys are that desprete that they will call girls off the street to come and party. I have also decided that we (as lethbridge girls) and so stuck for cash that we actually do it for the free booze...that is all!

It's a good day...except! Amanda Blair is tanding beside me she won't shut up lol...but unlike me she smells kinda like a bees bum! I don't wanna talk about it! OO lol Just joshin ya buddy! Other then that life is busy! 3 weeks till back to edmonton! A ton of exams, papers, and 2 shows! I am counting down the days for things to be done!

Peace, love and Marshmellows!

Mel

P.S Amanda is hot...but she still smells!

YA well it is my Birthday in 6 Days! So HA! :P Happy Birthday Darling Jessie! What will we do? We still haven't done a combined Birthday yet!

Until recently i have not noticed how people can haunt each other. By this i mean, the things people do that haunt your memory. Stupid comments, Hurtful actions, gut wrenching heart break.

I have also noticed that i am an open vessel that allows all these haunting's to settle into my psyche. All i need to find now is a cure. A form of release so i can forgive and forget and make my self pure and innocent again.


On a slightly different note we got a new Dishwasher this week. It works good!

I hate the fact that i am growing and changing. I am no longer the person i was but 3 months ago. Usually this is celebrated and envied by others who are completely opposite, people who are standing so still they are practically falling backwards. I myself can not help but take self pity, resentment, and pain. Half of my friends and family are staying constant. Not changing at all. I can support that, understand that, accept that! Its the other half that leaves me with a acid reflex feeling in the pit of my stomach...the other half is changing like me. forward, sideways, backwards and occasionally diagonally. Suddenly there is a problem, when two people move in opposite directions we can get twice as much distance from one another as oppose to just one moving.

I can't stop it, i can't turn around and chase them, my legs just keep moving forward as my tears run backwards. I can cry, scream, stop, but nothing makes a difference. It is fighting the inevitable. Instead of reaching to them my body, mind, and spirit just push them further away. I am at a complete and utter loss. Nature forcing me in a direction without opinion.

I run. No idea of my path, my direction, my motivation. I just follow what fate tells me to do. The hardest part of running is realizing that it ends in solitude. I run from half of my family and friend. Then from a quarter of that half and so forth...until i am left with no one but myself. What is self accomplishments when you celebrate alone? The lonely empty bottles of wine line up beside the memories of who i use to be. but more importantly who i use to have standing beside me.

I have reached a point at which i am nothing more but a shadow. I am a shadow of who i was 20 years ago, 10 years ago, 5 years ago, 1 year ago, 6 months ago, 3 months ago. Its dark, empty, but most painful, it is lonely. The only sound that is left is the echo of my thoughts.

Its unchangeable, its undetermined, its uncontrollable. I am weak.

I guess this is what they meant by "growing pains"...of my mind, heart, and soul.

Hey guys just thought i would update....






I'm good!....




~Mel~

Vous devez apprendre. Le monde ne tourne pas autour de vous. Vous êtes une bonne personne. Vous êtes juste égoïste. Je vous pardonnerai. Vous avez juste besoin d'apprendre. Je suis fatigué de vous marche sur les gens. Surtout pour votre propre avantage. Je ne le vous permettez pas de fais plus. Vous ne le ferez pas me. Vous ferez non plus long obtient ma sympathie, mon attention, et mon amour. Nous pouvons être des amis encore quand vous grandissez en haut.


S'amuser.

Mel

Okay....So me and a couple buddies are drinkin tonight having a good night and all is well. Then suddenly our Cab driver comes 10 minutes early so one of my friends chugs back their beer really quick. On the drive home my friend is queezy and requests the window to be opened in the cab. The driver just shoves the idea off and keeps going. Literally 3 secs before my friends stop they puke everywhere in the cab (Yes even the back of the drivers head) So we are all grossed out and my friend drunkenly runs to their house and goes inside...Meanwhile Murray and I are left in the Cab with vomit everywhere...the cab driver tells us it is a $50 bi law for someone puking in the cab...Well fuck we don't have it, and really neither of us puked why should we pay it. So the driver Knocks it down to $25 and makes us clean up all the vomit in the cab before he drives off leaving us in another neighborhood. Needless to say Mur and i walk home but the fun of the evening was imagining the look on the Cabs face when he wakes up the next morning and finds all the vomit under the passenger seat that we "Forgot" to clean up....Fuck!

SCHOOL IS DONE FOR A MONTH! I realize i still have 3 exams but i dont care it feels so good to be done another Semester! I thought i might die to get to this day!

I love Christmas so much! For my radio show tomorrow night i am going to do a whole show on Christmas Songs! I am so pumped...i just love christmas so much! If only we had some snow! O well....its been really nice...it was plus 10 today so i guess you can't have a both worlds.

Hope everyone has a great Holiday season, and those who are in school...I hope your classes and exams go well!

Mel

I feel lost and confused, Hopeless and down. Life is not the same, when your not around! I miss all my friends. Friends from Keyano, friends from home. So to get back in touch with people i have created a poll! So to all my friends please respond...Miss you All and i hope life is perfect for you all! Mel Poll #873793
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 5

If you could wish for your life to go a certain way, where would you wish for it to go?

Its begining to feel a lot like Christmas...

I am so excited about christmas...we got snow and it is suppose to snow even more tomorrow...HELL YA! I went to the Bargin shop today and i bought out door lights and hung them from out ballcony...Which is ok because it is Novemeber the 1st which makes it legal to start decorating for Christmas! I also bought some paper towel with christmas decor on it! It fuckin rocks! Christmas makes me sooo Happy.

But on a sad note and in rememberance of my grandma...It is her Birthday today...she passed away in 2001. I LOVE YOUR GRANDMA DOT!

It is a Saturday night and i am at home...in front of a computer...by myself...writing an essay...this is what my life has come to people. The thought crossed my head that maybe i should walk to the liquor store and by enough booze to put myself into a coma...and then i came to reality. I dont have enough money! I hate being a student. For example: i am currently drinkin a cup of coffee with sour milk and sweet and low because i am poor...i rest my case. On the brightside...almost 2 months later and my fellow 3rd year drama majors are starting to enjoy my company. Before now i questioned my personal hygiene. Fuck i am in school and i can't even spell!

On the bright side i have started personally recording myself on webcam for entertainment...sometimes i sing, do my makeup, just chill, check out how my face looks in facial expressions! If you are interested in obtaining a copy of any of the above let me know.

Have any one else just felt uncomfortable in your own skin before...Its really akward. Especially when you are a high strung person who is certain of yourself. I have been so distracted with life lately. I can't pay attention to neuron transmitters in class but i can focus on a simple hand gesture from a person on the bus. It is driving me insane. I can't stop it ethier.

Anyways i think i will get back to my brokeback mountain essay!

O by the way if anyone wants to come down for Murrays Birthday in November let me know!

Peace, love, and marshmellows.

Melly

Meme thing:

leave your name as a comment to this entry &:
1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll challenge you to try something.
3. I'll pick a color that I associate with you.
4. I'll tell you something I like about you.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you


This is a fun game...MY TURN!!! :)

I was Bored, so if your bored...Take the test!!! DOOOO ITTTTT!

Take My Quiz on QuizYourFriends.com Can you Ace my quiz? Yes! No Let's Find Out!

Write a journal entry for this meme with six random facts about yourself.
Then pick six off your friends list and tag them - no tag backs.
These rules should be included in your entry.

1. I have recently met a mountain goat named Mary Ellis

2. I am so scared of ghosts that i stay up with a flash light on just until i fall asleep.

3. I feel better and more connected as a person when my room is dirty.

4. I have seen the movie mean girls 136 times.

5. I have a hidden nose flute talent.

6. I randomly count things when i walk. (for ex. Walking up the stairs of my Apartment building. The first flight is 14 step the second flight is 7 steps and the third flight is 7 steps. 7 and 7 equals 14. 14 and 14 equal 28 which breaks back down to 4 sets of 7. Or the walks up the hill from the fine arts building to the students union building is 264 steps.which divided by 2 equals 132 which can be broken down into 4 sets of 66. The stairs from the 9th floor and the 10th floor is 2 sets of 11 steps which adds up to 22. which is equal to 2,22 2 sets 22 steps.)

Kneller
Lux
Amy
Fran
Amanda. B
Jen

Life is going good. For those who don't know i have recently perched in Lethbridge! Its a decent little town. If anyone is coming in this direction let me know, i have an air mattress with your name on it!

But to more important things:

I am in the process of trying to get a Fringe Team going! I'm in the very basic stages of planning, basicly if anyone wants to be a part of it let me know what you would like to do and chances are your IN!

I was hoping that the Team could do the Edmonton Fringe, the Athabasca one (i heard they were really good audiences) and any where else if we want to go! Anyways let me know if anyone is interested because if i can get a team together soon then i will right up some grants and put us in for the draw! Thanx guys

Mel

I Just saw the best show in the world. It is called Peepshow! See it if you can!

G-Unit

West-Side

Now for all you GANgsters out there, This is comin live from the E to the Town. On the Mic We got B-MAN and M-DAWG. Rawr!

We just figgerin out whats happenin in the hood with all our Homies!

We BIOTCHES have just been shottin the shit, wanging the tang, and hurdling the turtle!

B-man was walkin down the road the other eve and saw a couple of hoochie Beef curtains and told them to step! M-Dawg came from behind, literally, well actually figuritivly! and she whipped out the piece like a mom whips out a ham! I said HAM DOG! You steppin you steppin? I be steppin! Figuritivly, no literally! Tricked ya foo!

Short story long, World war four broke out as shots were fired. B-man got it in the leg and it was a scene from Gone with the Wind!

M-dawg, whos good with her mouth, caught a bullet in the mouth and shot it back like a 55 caliber gun.. MAn that shit was WACK!

Anyways we be keepin up with the fort and chillin like villin's. Shot us back a line, figuritivly.

But Please No Hatin!

PEACE LOVE AND MARSHMELLOWS!!

B-Man and M-Dawg, Reportin live from EDmonTON!

P.S Our skin may be white but out hearts are Black.
Missin the good times in the Fort!